Queen

I decided to name the posts instead of date them.  Dates feel like pressure and pressure is what I'm feelin'.  So many voices in my head saying to do this or that. Cue the song "Under Pressure" by Queen, particulary the part where he sings:

"Turned away from it all like a blind man
 Sat on a fence but it don't work
 Keep coming up with love but
 its so slashed and torn  
 why why why
 love love love love"

It spoke to me.  Why am I doing this?  And what the hell am I doing anyway?  Am I writting a novel or am I trying to promote T-Rexy (an awesome dinosaur picture book)?  Maybe I should self publish T-Rexy?  Then there's that non-fiction book I been toying with forever?  Maybe I should just market custom art?  Maybe I should scrap it all and be happy with being mom?  I could do more at the school.  Maybe my husband and I should take a vacation? Maybe a part-time job? Crap.  The garden needs tending, too.  Fuck it.  I'll just do another sun.  

I painted this one with acrylics.

I feel pressure from all sides.  Being a mom, a wife, a house maintainer, school volunteer, friend, sister, daughter; to do more or be more.  Why?  Just ask Freddie Mercury, love.  Love is why I want to give more.  The trick for me lately, is to trying to maintain some sense of my own identity while working all the roles I play in a day.  The pressure to do something of my own is heating up.  

I'm feeling like a failure on a few of these pressure points lately, so I honestly was ready to turn my back on this.  Thank you Freddie for doing the thing you did and changed my mind.  I am going to paint suns. My 21 year old wants a "dark" sun for his new apartment, no problem.  I have a friend (whose timing could not have been better) that wants to purchase one, her only request is that it be a full sun.

So if you need me, I'll be in the studio, painting suns and trying to sort my shit out. Hopefully it will open a "valve" to relieve some of this "more" pressure.