It's time, I tell myself. "It's actually past time." I say quietly to no one in particular. It's dark outside, like an ink blanket covering everything. Must be a new moon, I think. I look at the kids, it's too late to send them out. I'll have to go. I grab a jacket and my good solid shoes in case I have to run. It's hard to go fast in rubber boots. My yard backs up to a woods that goes on for miles. I thought it was great when we first moved in, all surrounded by Mother Nature and the Universe. But that was before, before I knew what was out there after dusk.
If I get out there before the sun goes completely down it is usually okay. It is too early for the monsters. Do not be fooled though, they are still out there, waiting for the night to take over. Here I am, looking out in the pitch black looking for a shadow of courage. I grab the only weapon I can, my Maglite. The first part is easy; out the back door, down two flights of stairs, across the protected fenced in area. It gets real once I am through the gate in the wild open space and the woods.
Armed with my Maglite I slip silently through the gate. I start singing the Revivalists song that's been running through my head. The coyotes are quiet, this is a sure sign something's out there. I shine my flashlight in wide arc, holding it like a cop does on TV. I first look for the glowing, red eye shine of a Bigfoot. I sweep the beam high and low. I listen for the dry leaf shuffle sound that only the zombies can make, it's unmistakable. I'm always sure there is something there, just on the edge of the flashlight beam.
This. This is what goes through my head when I go put the chickens up and collect the eggs at night. I have 7 chickens. I used to have 8, I think the chupacabra got her.
“My daddy says that when you do somethin' to distract you from your worstest fears, it's like whistlin' past the graveyard. You know, making a racket to keep the scaredness and the ghosts away. He says that's how we get by sometimes. But it's not weak, like hidin'...it's strong. It means you're able to go on.”
-Susan Crandle Whistling Past the Graveyard
I went to do lunch relief. I didn't want to, I had 600 things to do. Since I started the Tonya Jean Co. business, I always have 600 things to do besides the thing I'm doing. I do like going to lunch relief, the kids love me because I'm a pushover and I love to hear them talk. One kid was telling me about how they have 30 racks of snakes. 30 racks of snakes? I'm not even sure what this looks like. Do you name them all? I asked. He looked at me as if I sprouted another head. I obviously do not understand herpetology. It was just that I have actual requests for custom cards -paying orders. I'm over the moon. Maybe I should let go of lunch relief go so I can work.
I walked in and 3 kids came up to me yelling that Jesse got hurt. His best buddy, Q, was shaking his head gravely. My heart dropped and I asked where he was. They told me he was on his way in from outside. (I picked up my heart, he was not at the nurse or laying on the ground.) They informed me that they were playing soccer and the biggest kid in the grade checked him. Body checked him. Q told me, "...he laid there for a long time -but he didn't cry that much." From the side door of the cafeteria comes my boy, grinning from ear to ear. He looked like he had been in a fight. Covered in dried grass and dirt with an indiscriminate red mark above his eye.
Me: What happened to you?!
Jesse: Big B checked me. I'm okay, except for when I couldn't breathe.
Me: You couldn't breathe?! (I reached for him)
Jesse: Ya, mom, I'm okay (holding his hands up like he was stopping traffic). The whole recess came over, surrounded me. I couldn't open my eyes because of dirt or something. I was trying to talk but I couldn't breathe. Everyone was asking if I was all right. Emiro thought I was dead.
Me: Oh my God.
Jesse: I tried to spit so they could see I was alive, but I couldn't. Some kid (he shares a secret knowing look at Q and they start laughing) said, "Everyone take a knee...it's respectful."
*At this point they doubled over laughing.
Q (collecting himself): He was hurt though. Everyone was standing around him.
Jesse: Yeah. Literally, mom, the whole 4th grade recess.
Getting this story fresh, as it had just happened, was priceless. Their eyes were twinkling with the telling of it. I brushed some of the grass off him and asked him to please, try to go the rest of the day with out getting hurt.
Jesse and Q
I share this because I actually considered not doing lunch relief. These kids grow so fast, this is really one of the only volunteer opportunities I have left. Can you imagine if I I showed up at Anna's school for lunch? She would die. I mentioned before how my husband and I made the decision together that I would be a stay at home mom. I found, though, that as my kids got older my job here at home left me with this open time from 9- 2. There is only so much house cleaning a person can do. It's tough to find a job, after you've been a stay at home mom for 15 years. Also, have you seen daytime television? It is either listening to people argue, the Lone Ranger (circa 1949) or The Doctors convince me I have some weird affliction.
Now that I decided to try my hand at these greeting cards and such, and that people are actually placing orders, I find that 9-2 time fills up quickly. I'm often behind on housework and laundry. I thought about this recess/lunch relief moment, though, and how I would have missed it. I had forgotten for a second that being a stay at home mom is my first job, my favorite job. Tonya Jean Co., the greeting cards and such, will just have to get done when they get done.
I guess I also got checked.
That being said, here is one of the custom cards I am working on.
...and some I finished.
Here's to another week of juggling the mom, wife, sister, volunteer, TonyaJeanCo., laundress, cook, housekeeper, badass.
Paul Thorn has got me. I love him. Get yourself a healin'
