Other People's Kids

Can we agree, as parents, to some universal truths or maybe just some basic rules?  Please tell me you've been there.  Janice and I can't be the only ones. 

This situation happened to her, it is truth number one, kids are going to get hurt.:
Johnny's mom:  Hi...so, after playing at your house, Johnny came home and has a bump on his head.
Janice:  Ummm...I'm not sure....Is he okay?  He didn't say anything while he was here....
Johnny's mom:  Yes, but it seems like every time he goes over there he gets hurt.
Janice:  Every time?

The kids come over; they play.  They have fun.  Sometimes, someone gets hurt. Sometimes, it's her kid.  It happens.  Calm the hell down.  We are not going to sit out there and watch their every move.  We hand out snacks and water.   We will peek out over our margarita glasses to make sure all is well.  If this is insufficient parental guidance keep your kid at home.  No one intends for your kid to get hurt.  Trust me.  It makes you feel like a jerk.  Accidents happen.  Most likely your kid was having a blast -right up until he wasn't.

At my house we do stuff like this:

These are my children as the prepare to fly down the hill on Tonka trucks.

Honestly, as much as that ^ was worrisome, I'd rather see that than this:

Another thing is, do not believe everything my kids say.  Anna, my favorite teenager, is very good at being a teenager.  She is also very clumsy.   I swear to god, she must have an inner ear situation.  Since the moment she started walking, when she falls, she either busts her lip or gets a knot on her forehead.  No scraped knees or elbows for this kid.  Nope.  She either looks like Angelina Jolie or Rocky Balboa.  When I explained to the other parent that I did not actually throw her out the window, I cringed because I told her she fell on the stairs.  I know, but she actually fell on the stairs.  Not down the stairs, she had trouble with the going up part.  I know what it sounds like, though.  I am waiting for CPS.

Falling from the monkey bars in kindergarten.  Her front teeth went through her bottom lip and promptly fell out.

Also, please, no inappropriate movies.  When I say inappropriate movies, I'm talking about skin and horror.  I am not talking about Jurassic Park or that new Batman movie -no Deadpool.  Then there's that whole shady PG 13 realm.  Can we agree on mild violence and draw the line at boobs and possessed dolls?

One more.  The Tooth Fairy brings a dollar.  One. Dollar.  Not $50.  What is wrong with some people?  Kids have, like, 20 baby teeth. 

I promise while your kid is in my care I will do my level best by them.  Unfortunately, I cannot promise they will not be exposed to bad language, booze and general shenanigans.  They will be kept safe, fed and with sufficient parental supervision.  Truthfully, I will probably treat them better than I treat my own as evidenced by this meme Anna sent me.

This song has nothing to do with this blog.  I just can't get enough of these guys.  Enjoy.