Dog Days of Summer

We are here, knee deep in the dog days of summer.  It's so freakin' hot, nobody wants to go outside except the dogs and seriously, I'm about to kill them.

Unless there is a pontoon boat involved, I don't really want to go out either.  I had a few people ask me where my blog post is this week and all I could say was, "It's going to be late....'Cuz summer." I said this through tissue because I caught a summer cold.  In the winter it is totally acceptable to do things during a cold.  In the summer....it's a near death experience and the only cure is movies.  Can we just enjoy the art of doing nothing or do we have to get sick first?

I wish I could spend all day typing out my blog, working on my book or drawing this pelican that's been niggling at me.  It just isn't happening, though.   If I sit in front of my computer, my kids are most likely doing the same thing only in a 'Phinneas and Ferb' or 'selfie' sort of way.  I can only ignore them for so long before I feel the mom in me say, 'Enough'.

I'm not sure I am doing "summer" very well either.  I'm not making my kids do math.  We aren't doing camps or VBS.  We are just doing summer.  Pulling weeds, picking veggies, swimming and playing.  We are doing this with a degree of laziness.  We are doing nothing on a time schedule.  "By the end of today x,y and z are your chores.  Come find me when you are finished."  When my son scared the shit out of me dressed as Deadpool asking me to check his chores; I was just glad he hadn't been on his tablet the entire day. (He hasn't seen the movie even though he has asked 600 times.)

We did manage to have a lake day and, let me tell you, pontoon boat happened.  I am in love with the pontoon boat.  It was a great day!  Remember my friend Redneck?  She is truly a gift, because she gave us this awesome Wednesday.  I think I might've offended her with that nick name.  I should explain to her, that in my family, 'Redneck' is a name of honor. 

This is all I can do.  

I was all excited until she told me she thought she had the amoeba.  The amoeba wha...?  The brain eating amoeba that you can only get through your nose in lake water.  It's a real thing and scarier than sharks.  I know because I Googled it.  I was tempted to buy the whole clan nose plugs.  I didn't because my husband thought I was nuts -no matter how well I argued the safety first issue.

At one point during lake day, my son and two girls from the other families decided to swim to the shore.  We laughed and joked about them starting their own colony on the island and reminisced how we all secretly watched Blue Lagoon back in the day.  Then as these things do, it morphed into 20 years later where Jesse had a beard and 12 kids.  We called them back in the lake.

It was a beautiful day, we all got a little sunburn and no official reports of amoebas yet.

I have some friends that are all, "I can't wait for school to start!"  Usually they say this with a hashtag, but I am not there yet.  Not even close. I'm still reveling in sleeping in and not packing lunches, as I rub aloe on our sunburns.  Don't even get me started on spelling lists and homework.  I'm not ready.  I am content here at Camp Slug/Tonya.  We aren't going anywhere and we are barely doing anything, you are welcome to join us.

Be warned though, this is the current toilet paper situation...

And we may have an ant situation...

Let's stomp...

God Bless America

We were invited over to our friends' house for grilling and fireworks.  I was excited because they are awesome people.  I met Julia through my son, our sons are good friends.  Julia volunteers often at school with me (Field trip to Columbia), to the point this year, when I was like, she should be room mom, I suck.  I want to be her friend but, it's not like 3rd grade when you are all,  "Hey!  How old are you?  9?  I'm nine too, let's be friends."  Adults are more complicated and I am always afraid of coming on too strong.  I'm pretty sure she'd struggle if I grabbed her hand and demanded we be blood sisters.

I loved her family!  To the point where I accused her mom of making a move on my husband, cuddled up to her step-dad and when Julia apologized for still being in her jammies, I was not only wishing I had worn jammies; I realized we would be good friends.  I love jammies.

We go outside for fireworks and I realize I have barely seen my children.  Besides helping them when the food was ready, I didn't really even think about them.  Anna and her boyfriend were taking walks and being charming and the few times I saw Jesse run past, he was in a pack of like 10 other kids.  As usual, I swore by God that my husband wasn't not allowed to get the firecrackers next year, he's too frugal.  When he proudly told me he spent a hundred bucks I was like, "We are so lame."  Anna agreed.

That's my son, the one that looks possessed

Anyway, there we were having a gay old time when the the neighbor comes out waving a flashlight like he's trying to land a plane, idiot.  I'm thinking, what the hell?  He calls Nick, Julia's husband, over and complains that the firecrackers are leaving burn marks on his car.  Bullshit, right?  For the record, he has a huge garage that he could've pulled his car into, but he chose not to.  We were right under the display and no burns.  Nick comes back, saying he needed to get his insurance info.  I decide it's time for me to go over there and straighten this guy out.

Me:  (getting out of my lawn chair)
My husband:  Sit your ass back down.
Me: (not moving in a half standing squat position)  The kids are having the time of their lives!  Can't he see that?  I just want to see the burn marks.  It's the 4th of July....
Husband:  Not your house, not your neighbor...sit down.
Me:  (unmoving)
Husband:  (walks over toward me)
Me:  (sitting back down)

While Nick was exchanging insurance info, his middle son, August, had this conversation with Jesse and another kid.  I have to say, first though, August is just one of those kids who is naturally funny, he has an award from his kindergarten class to prove it.  He always has something to say and he is on the loud side.  I was grateful for all of these qualities.  

Other kid:  Why are we stopping?
August:  (loud and proud) He didn't like that it was loud?!
Other kid:  It's the fourth of Juwy!
August:  I know!  He just doesn't like it.  We only have one left!   So we don't even get to light it?!?
Jesse:  Yah, right, we got got ashes on his car!  That's dumb.

I love that these children put the asshole neighbor in his place without even realizing it.  Long story short, we moved to the end of their cul-de-sac, where the neighbors are nicer and let off our finale box.  Screw that dude.

We head back to the house to gather our stuff.  I deny Jesse his request to stay for a sleepover,  he wasn't actually invited and we needed to get the boyfriend home.  August comes to the rescue again explaining to me that they are indeed allowed to have sleepovers -unless they get grounded.  Then they can't.  He then goes on to say something about if I saw the 180 one?  I had no idea what he was talking about -but I said I did.  I said it was awesome and he added that it was huge.  We nodded in unison, I still have no idea.

As I haul an angry, tired, sweaty Jesse to the car thinking what great people they are, I am glad my husband made me sit down; so the elementary kids could handle it.  I may or may not have conspired to drive a get-a-way car for 2 teens who may or may not have an exceptional amount of toilet paper.

I kind of thought I needed to grow up, but then Julia sent this:

I'm good...