Back to School

Here it is the first week of school and I'm a fuckin' wreck. 
1.  My oldest son and his fiancé moved out of my basement.  Awesome, right?  No.  I cried long and ugly. They have been here since April.  I have been counting the days.  They have a great job opportunity in Nebraska, which is awesome!  They had a 3 month lag time between when their lease was up and when they needed to move.  We offered up our basement and, unintentionally, our booze.  They have 2 dogs.  One is a cute little white one that drives me absolutely f'ing nuts.  The white ball of fluff, Cerberus, chases all the cats to crashing of lamps degree.  He poops everywhere he shouldn't, he does unmentionable things to Khaleesi (the other dog).  I can't even look at him when I catch him doing it.  It's that X-rated bad.  Khaleesi, who is now my dog because they left and she is still here.  My house resembles an episode of Tom and Jerry.  The barking, God help me, I have plotted their deaths.  They bark at everything and nothing.  God forbid, someone actually come to the door, not only is the barking cranked up a notch but, they immediately pee.  Yes, I was counting the days.  So, why am I such a big ol' bawl baby?  I don't know.  My emotions are confused. 

**Not only did they leave the dog and 600 dirty towels, they left a few boxes that they just didn't have room for.  One of which contained their underwear.  Lord Jesus, how do you move across the country and forget the box containing all your underwear?
    
2. I tried to put on a brave face to send Jesse off to his first day of 4th grade.  I don't think he bought it, though.  I barely got the required, first day back to school, Facebook picture announcing his grade, taken.  Here it is, his '3 hours after school' picture.
 

It's the first week and I already sent his teacher an email.  Immediately after that, an apology email.  What happened was, he came home announcing I forgot to buy a binder.  Oh, hell no!  No, I didn't!  I bought a binder.  I put it in the supply bag myself.  Which I hid in a closet to prevent anything from being misplaced or tore into.  I sent an email to his teacher asking if she had any idea where it could have gone and that it was white.  Yeah, I even mentally patted myself on the back for how nicely I suggested something happened to it at school.  After I hit send, I decided just to check the closet; knowing full well there was nothing in there.  There it was and it's black, not white.  I usually try to hide my nonsense until, like, February.  Not this year.  This year I'm throwing it all out there early.

I also bought him the wrong folders.  She wanted eight, 3-prong poly folders, two each, in blue, green, purple, and red.  Easy, right?  I bought the binder kind because some how when I read 'prong' my brain produced this image:

Instead of this one:

I've been doing this way too long to make this mistake.  The worst time to school supply shop is after school starts.  Target had nothing. It was ghost town, I saw one pink poly folder all alone in it's cardboard bin.  I high-tailed it to Walmart.  Fucking Walmart.  Last time I was there, I almost got in a fight with some dude in the deodorant aisle.  I did however, score the purple ones (and no fights).  Walgreens was the only other store in my little town.  I am sure it was because of my prayer to St. Jude (patron saint of impossible causes), that I found the rest of them -in a fancier more expensive brand.  

3.  Anna and I thought it would be a good idea for her to drive to school since she would be doing it on her own very soon.  There was one, "Brake!!  Brake, brake!"  Morning rush hour is dog eat dog and she did great.  Right up until we got to school.  She wanted to park instead of letting me get out and hop in the driver seat in the drop off line.  I said, "No honey, just go to the drop off-" as she slammed into a parking spot.

 "I just felt more comfortable parking, mom."  I went to get out and she had parked so close to the car on my side there was no way to get out.  Not even for someone shaped like Olive Oil. 

I clamored over the console and told her to take Jesus with her as she shut the door on me.  I sigh a small sigh of someday she will appreciate me.  I throw the Buick in reverse to leave and realize that I have to perform a 20 point turn to get out of the spot.  Not only that but, I am blocking traffic both coming in and going out of the school, but I'm kinda stuck, fml, right?  One guy flips me off and another lady is yelling something.  I had a thought of getting out of my car and getting into a fight, but luckily it was a passing thought.  I complete my 20 pt reverse and got the hell out of there.   

4.  My husband is out of town.  I am doing all this solo.  He is in Alaska which is great.  We lived there for 3 years once and he wants to walk down memory lane.  I'm, all, "No.  I can't."  I'm glad he's there, having fun and breathing that beautiful, fresh, clean air; taking in the sights.  But I am not.  I am in the trenches.  I'm sitting in carline for hours and forgetting trash day.  I had to clean up cat puke.  I'm running one kid to one end of town and rushing the other to baseball on the other.   Next week I actually have to be in two places at the same time.  I better find my cape.   Oh, and I picked a huge fight with him where I mentioned the D word.

Elementary carline.  The other looks almost exactly the same, except there are more trees at the high school.

I finally found myself self at the end of Tuesday exhausted and guilt ridden.  I have to get a grip.  I had yelled at the kids, gave up on the house and the husband, I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat.  I can't live like this.  That night after I prayed with the kids, I apologized for acting like a lunatic and we, me and the kids, strategized on how to make the next few days a little smoother.

With a box of underwear in my arms at the UPS store, I had an epiphany.  I'm not going to stress over any of it.  I'm going to try to take it all in stride and roll on through it.  We may be late, we may be dirty and crying, but we'll give it our best.

Emmy Lou...