It amazes me how we are wired as creative creatures. Monday I'm on top of the world. I'm going to get published, I have my goals written out and some even checked off. I feel creative and bright and beautiful. The sun I drew was the best one yet; I add "contact tattoo parlors" to my list of goals. I could not stop writing. It came easy and flowed out of me like I was a creature possessed.
Two days later, I'm questioning why I even thought I could write. Clearly, I don't completely understand all the grammar and punctuation rules. I can't even look at the sun I drew. My confidence is in the toilet.
I think as artists and writers we are vulnerable in that we put our selves out there for critique. A piece of our soul, letting people in on how we actually think about something. Then you get that one peg head that says, "Hmmm. Just suns?" (For the record, I painted a chicken yesterday) Of the 988 people who loved your work, and gave you positive feedback; you only hear the one douchebag and the flushing sound of your confidence.
Today and everyday forward, we will ignore that one blockhead. We will decide the other 987 people are right. As it is easier said than done, I try to protect myself against the onslaught of negative internal dialogue that that one yahoo started; I came up with an armor guard of a sort.
Music. Obviously, through my posts it is clear that music plays an important role in my life. I play it, I play all genres and I play them loud. I dance. I dance the dance of the weird and unruly as I have had no formal training. Unless you count the millions of hours in front of MTV, VH1 and You Tube, oh, and my Michael Jackson Wii game. (I'm a level 1 but, in my mind, I am really a level 5. I think there is something wrong with my controller). I lip sync. This, this I am good at. Despite the db I write and draw anyway. I do yoga or hit the punching bag depending on my mood. I rely on my friends and wine. I have the most supportive friends on the planet.
At the end of it all, I may have lost the battle with the blinking cursor, the blank canvas, or the jerk off but -tomorrow is mine. Tomorrow is a new day and I am a fighter.
I don't usually listen to main stream, unless forced by my children. This seemed appropriate, though.
"Sometimes by losing the battle, you find a new way to win the war."
-Donald Trump
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