By the Grace of God

I remember when my husband first approached me about quitting my job to “…just stay home”.  I believe “approached” is the wrong word.  We were actually arguing over laundry and whose turn it was to do the whatever.  My response was, “Why don’t you quit your job?”  To which he replied, “Who makes more money?”  I hate it when he asks questions he knows the answer too.  He was a 1st Lieutenant in the Air Force, a pilot.  I was working my way up the Barnes & Noble ladder.  I LOVED my job and most of the people I worked with -except that one manager, he was tool.  I believe the “discussion” was tabled for a bit because honestly….quit my job?   Before I met my husband I was a strong, confident single mother.  I handled my shit, paid my bills, mowed my lawn, read books on how to be a mom; by the grace of God I was making it.  After we married, I was still a strong, confident and career driven woman.  There was no thought ever of not working.

Right up until, he knocked me up and told me we were moving to Arkansas for 4 months then moving to Alaska.  Arkansas?  Alaska?  It was like he was speaking in tongues.  Arkansas was a blur because my daughter was 3 months old when we moved and I was just trying to keep everyone alive in the ghetto for 4 months.  Nursing.  The ghetto.  In Arkansas.  I made countdown X’s on a calendar.  Do you know what happened?  Well, 'lo and behold, being a stay at home mom was pretty effing cool.  I even joined the PT effing A.

Next stop, Alaska.  Only having a few short years there, a job not being in the best interest of the family and loving my new job, we did EVERYTHING.  Prince William Sound, Chugach, Cook Inlet, Alyeska, you name it.  I had a friend whose husband was often gone at the same time mine was, plus we both had little kids.  We often took trips together, I mean we weren’t going to sit around waiting for them to return.  We had tracks to make, right?  One time, no shit, we drove to Seward to see a glacier, in my minivan with all the kids buckled up with their apple juice and a movie, in a blizzard.  A blizzard in Alaska.  We had to be crazy.  There were a few moments, as I white knuckled the steering wheel, that I hoped we were still on the road.  About half way there, we looked at each other and questioned if it was really a good idea.  Determining that we had just as far to go back as we had to get there and non-refundable reservations, we pressed on.  By the grace of God went we.   It was amazing.  (By that same grace, her husband was gone when she won the Denali lottery.  I thought we were going to die only twice that trip, because bears and trails disguised as roads.)  

Scrap booking was a big thing

Fast forward to Arkansas 3 years later…little culture shock there to be honest.  I missed Alaska and the good schools.  The Mystic Caverns in NW Arkansas were cool.  I worked at B&N there for bit trying get back on the ladder, bottom wrung though, as I needed to get off by 2 to pick up the kids and I needed random weeks off to be home when my husband deployed.  My 2 kids were in school and I needed something to do.  Daytime television sucks, I had DIY'd everything, but I still, dangit, I have great kids and wanted to be home.  I also, tried a baby quilt business while I was there, with that friend from Alaska.  Unfortunately the business didn’t quite pan out and the friendship never did recover.  Oh, and he knocked me up again, right before a 6 month deployment.  He returned 2 weeks before Jesse was born to tell me we were moving to either Nevada or South Carolina.

Here we are in South Carolina with my 3 kids.  I am still a stay at home mom and he is still flying planes.  I am still a strong woman, but honestly, my confidence waivers daily depending on how the kids are doing -they rock that boat.  My kids are old enough for no day care and I am looking at the shreds of a career.  The shreds.  I can’t really clock in at B&N because husband is still flying, I’m not sure I have the temperament for a boss anymore anyway.  I’m trying to write and you know, "art".  I am 15 years out of work, I can’t do minimum wage and managers that are tools. I’m too old for that crap.

I’ve written a picture book and almost done with another one -both inspired by my kids.  I blog regularly-ish, the art stuff and I’m working on a novel (isn't everyone?), but I have nothing for a resume.  Awesome mother, sacrifice maker, loving wife and good citizen make for a tough resume.  Might be time to ring the bell on that grace of God again.

Started this, this week