Define Naughty

Holy baby Jesus!  All the hall decking and good cheer spreading...it's exhausting.  I'm hanging on to my Christmas spirit by a thread, a thin thread of tinsel.  At first, I wasn't really sure about it because I was trying.  Trying not to get in a Christmas funk as I was spending money, ticking off the list, driving in traffic, people being rude.  I was like, "I got this",  I was "Merry Christmasing" everyone, smiling... Unfortunately it became clear to me that that tinsel thread was fraying when this happened:

Caller: Mrs. Lucas?
Me with an eye-roll:  Yes?
Caller: This is Lisa from Allstate-
Me:  Look Lisa, I don't want to be rude but I don't have time for this.  We have USAA -
(I was going to tell her we were very happy with USAA and to please remove us from their calling list.  Ending with a heartfelt Merry Christmas and have a good night.)
She cut me off.  Cut. Me. Off.
Lisa:  Right, Tonya, (Oh wait...what?  We are now on a first name basis?) I heard you.  You're busy I'll call back another time.
Me:  Well, you little bitch!  (K.  Right?  I normally say this kind of stuff in my head, but in this situation I accidentally said it out loud.)  You called me, interrupted me...you know what...(starting to feel a little bad) Merry Christmas.
She had already hung up.

I was all, to myself , "Whew...that was nuts."  I shook my head, I better pull my stuff together.  I went to Belk and another random person didn't understand the whole 'Stop Sign' situation.  I yelled, again out loud, this time to myself in the car, "You want me to get out of this car and teach you how to use a stop sign!?"  I might've dropped an f bomb.  I then continued to rant aloud when a white SUV wouldn't let me over.  I forced myself into the lane and quickly realized I was disoriented and needed to be in the turning lane -on the other side of the lane that I was just in.  I was that person.  That person you see driving like a jerk.  I feel it important to note here, that I do not normally have road rage.  I never yell at other vehicles-unless it is a blatant violation and my children are present and I demonstrate 'the bird'.  I screamed, out loud, by myself in the car with no one to impress -impress bad behavior on.

Next stop was Target, f'ing Target.  I spent way too much money there and the cashier was all,  "Do you have a Target Red card?"
"Yes, I do, but I'm doing a thing with this card."  The little swipe machine starting honking rudely at me.
"Your card has a chip." As the thing continues to bleat at me.
"Oh, right, habit to swipe," I say with a smile 'cause...whatever.  I don't even care about anything anymore.
"Push it in until it clicks."  Really?  I resist the urge to make a bad joke.
Transaction done, cashier says "Have a Merry Christmas" as if it was for the one thousandth time.
Yeah right, Target guy, now I'm broke, Merry Christmas.  Which, luckily managed to stay in my head, I replied with a smile and an "You too."
I need to get it together.  This is Christmas.  The day baby Jesus was born.  Baby. Jesus.  And here I am struggling just to be human.

We also had the work Christmas party Friday.  Dear Lord...I did not behave myself.  My friend Maria walked in saying, "Let's get a shot."  I was all, "All right...I'm in!" and I was "in" all night.  All my girls and I doing shots like rockstars.  We danced, we sang, we completely misbehaved.  It was so much fun.  Last thing I remember was looking for my shoes.  I left my purse.  Maria was all, "I knew what you were doing...you didn't need it."  So. Much. Fun.

So, coming back to losing my Christmas spirit, I think I know where it is at, it's at the bottom of one of those Target bags.  I'm going to get it, because really, it's Christmas.