Everything's Gonna Be Alright

We all know the script, when you decide to have children, there is no book.  No right way to do this or that.  Mostly, you realize, you are probably doing it all wrong.  When I feel like I am doing it right, everyone is mad at me.  Case in point, I decided my kids need to help out more and have less screen time. 

I refuse to compose yet another chore sheet or have another discussion about allowances.  The 'new program' is that you just do what I ask you to do.  My kids have plenty.  They don't need ready cash on hand.  Their allowance will go straight to their bank accounts.  Unless you fight with me.  Then you get nothing and you will still do what ever it is I need done and probably extra because I am mean.

The thing is with kids and the fact that there is no how to book, getting them to get their chores done is a chore.  I gotta check everything because they will lie about doing it or half ass something.  Anna didn't realize that part of cleaning the bathroom was cleaning the tub.  When Jesse was unloading the dishwasher, he suddenly had no idea what anything is or where it goes.  He asked me where the 'grappling hook' goes.

The grappling hook

I'm also sick of competing with their phones and closed doors.  I miss them.  An extension of the 'new program' is that when they get home from school they will put their phones up for an hour.  Give themselves an hour just to regroup from the day.  Take a break.  They can have it back after an hour.  Then again at dinner, they have to give 'em up for 2 hours.  We will have an undistracted dinner and cleaning up time.  They can have them back until it goes up for the night.  Anna's curfew is 10-10:30 and Jesse's is 8; weekend times vary.  To be fair, Jesse is hardly on his phone, I am mostly talking about his gaming and YouTubing.  I was all proud of myself.  I couldn't wait to talk to them again about what music they are listening to and what their friends are doing. 

Holy civil war.  Instead of brother against sister it was kids against the parents.  Although this new program seemed perfectly reasonable to me, the kids couldn't have disagreed more.  And boy, did they.  Jesse sulked around and didn't spare me a single dirty look.  Anna decided she was in for the fight.

Anna as she walks upstairs with Jesse:  (Under her breath)  So stupid.
Me:  What did you say?
Anna:  Nothing.
Jesse: She didn't say anything, mom.

I know what she said, I decided to let it go.  She has a right to be upset about the rule.  I'll give her a minute to get used to it and realize it really isn't so bad.  I was even proud of myself for not fighting with her about it or giving in to the adorable dirty looks from Jesse.

My husband, Mike, came home and I was telling him about the new program.  We patted each other on the back about how we outsmarted the chore sheet.  We were discussing and re-justifying the new plan when we heard Anna talking upstairs in her room with the door closed.  We gave each other that "How strange" look because the phones were in our room in the "charging area" (the dresser).  My husband went up there all ninja like to see what was what.  He knocked and opened her door, she looking him dead in the eye and said she was doing homework.  My husband, being a seasoned parent, turned the screen around and there was her boyfriend, blinking back at him.  "Good Bye, Nathan." says my husband as he confiscated the laptop. 

I guess we forgot to clarify no phone also means no FaceTiming from the laptop.  No texting from the laptop either.  There was arguing.  Then more arguing.  Jesse came to her defense of our ridiculous rules.  I went up to tag Mike out.  I told him to take a minute because I was fresh with hope and understanding.  I was as calm as can be and ready to share that calmness with my daughter.  I opened her door and she promptly kicked it shut yelling, "Get out of here."  It was like time stood still for a second.  Don't throw the child out the window.  I couldn't believe she had the nerve to do that, then took a moment to admire her bravery.  I was rendered speechless.  Which was a good thing because no one was going to be listening nor talking.   

So here we are.  No one won.  No one wants to talk about music or friends.  Anna lost her door and the new "screentime" rule is in effect until further notice.  Like forever.  Wish me luck.  My hope is that I will remain steadfast in the new program and they will come around to hanging out with me.

It was 2 days later when I pulled out a deck of cards to a collective eye roll.  

Paul Thorn:  Everything's Gonna Be Alright.  It will be.  It will.